The girl with the trumpet

So the girl I met earlier, Sarah, came over to seal the deal. We went on a date prior that week, but according to her, "I don't have sex on the first night." I find humour in this because, if a man is going to leave you, it doesn't matter how long you wait till you fuck him. He is as likely to leave after the first fuck as to the third. And after the first round with this woman, I definitely do no plan on having sex with her again.

Aesthetically she was appealing. Blond hair, blue eyes, and looked like she just came out of the Third Reich. Breasts small, maybe a handful, but lucky I am not a boob man. She had a nice figure, a pretty face, and as I said before, overall appeasing.

Unfortunately, the sex. Meh.

If it wasn't for the fact that she played dead fish that killed the mood, it was most definitely the noise that came from between her thighs resembling a small orchestra.

Now, I am forgiving to the female anatomy. I understand thrusting pushes air in and out, inflating your nether regions like a hot air balloon, but this was unacceptable. Every thrust I was constantly reminded with an outburst and a "I'm sorry" . If I had a nickel for every apology, I would have enough money to send you and your noisy vag to the gyno. Or maybe some American Idol tryouts, cuz that crotch can sing.

Logically, in a situation like this, I would switch to different positions to alleviate the problem, BUT NOTHING HELPED. I must have went through the entire Kama Sutra routine with her. Light/deep/fast/slow, no thrust was immune. Now this noise, to put it lightly, not only affected the whole routine, but I just could not get off. I mean, this womans cunt was doing more talking than both her and I were.

12.3 minutes. That's about how long I could take of it. Thanks to the wonderful world of contraceptives I faked it no problem. A meager groan was all I could muster. I did the classic roll and cover when we were done and promptly faked a deep sleep.

When we awoke the next morning, I did everything I could to avoid having the usual morning sex. I popped out of bed and hopped in front of the computer to do some reading.

"I can't believe you . There is a fully naked girl in your bed, and your reading....what is that....some website about electronics and gadgets?"

  "Damn right."

She promptly left after.